I wonder what the connection is for me to victim and blame energy that unconsciously allows me to fall back into this space? I am wondering if I have not fully accepted myself and therefore am not accepting of how I live. Wow that just rang a bell about how my sister feels she was treated by our mother, where how she chose to live is unacceptable and that she should clean up her life. Is this the same for me? Even though I have always seemed to go the other direction in life. Amazing... Here’s my hallucination - Here I am in life being looked at by my family as a rouge, a free thinker, a rebel someone who goes against what is considered normal to them. Meanwhile inside, I’m hurting and unconsciously sabotaging myself due to the programming I have from my childhood. I am sensing that I have been hiding the real from myself and the world and that is my truth. What I feel I need to do is open myself and express to the world who I am and not hide anymore. Like I wrote yesterday, No more half-assed living life. What I do I enjoy, the only secrets I have are the ones people don’t ask me about. In other words NONE. I get asked I tell, No Holds Barred. I take responsibility for myself and no one else. I have lived a life of fear and secrecy far to long and need to be expressive and loving and take hold of my truth which is that I am who I am no matter what I was taught and what anyone says to me. I show up with integrity and truth from my heart space.
Here’s what I actually wrote yesterday.
No more half-assed living, I pledge to myself to show up for myself and be there for myself with impeccable integrity for myself with impeccable communication, empathy and reflection - to show up BIG with My Feet Firmly Planted in The Garden Of Love. All this for Myself So that I Show Up Gigantic For Everyone Else!!!!!! Love To You All!!!!!
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